1) If you want to sound smart, throw these words into your conversation: “weigh boat”, “tare”, “gram”, “spatula”.

2) To help you out, try this sentence on your friends next time this hot topic comes up in conversation: “With this being summer and all, we decided to go on a family vacation and take gram down to the Mississippi River. We took a nice tour on the weigh boat. Sure beats riding on the rye boat or the wheat boat. The bread they give you during lunch is so much better. You practically need a spatula to scoop it out of the loaf pan. Another bonus is that being on the boat instead of the water, we weren’t tared of no alligators.”

In honor of the grand accomplishment of the little balance that could, I’ve selected an appropriate earthquake song.

All Shook Up – Elvis Presley

1) If you want to sound smart, throw these words into your conversation: “germicidal”, “sterilization”, “mutagen”, “thymine dimers”.

2) To help you out, try this sentence on your friends next time this hot topic comes up in conversation: “I tell you what’s wrong with genetically modified crops. Too many germicidal maniacs messing with our food. I think sterilization is the only option to prevent those little thymine dimers from taking over the process of natural selection. We don’t want to end up with something like them Teenage Mutagen Ninja Turtles in our sewer systems, creeping into our farming fields.”

In honor of this topic, I’ve picked out two songs for you. The first, called “Blind”, is what will happen to you if you stare at an ultraviolet light without eye protection (again, partially learned from experience). The second song, titled “In the Sun”, has ’sun’ in the title, and as a source of ultraviolet light, I thought the song was apropos. That, and the fact that She & Him is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands. Enjoy!

1) If you want to sound smart, throw these words into your conversation: “pellet”, “supernatant”, “rpm”, “swinging bucket (rotor)”.

2) To help you out, try this sentence on your friends next time this hot topic comes up in conversation: “We took the ‘77 Trans Am for a spin yesterday and let me tell you what. We were trying to see if we could get those rpm’s to redline and came up on a sharp curve in the road. Tires squealing. The whole back end skidding. I tell you I almost dropped a few pellets in that swinging bucket seat. On the straight-a-way, we were getting up to speeds of about 120 mph and managed to pick up quite a collection of bug supernatant on the windshield.”

To honor studies of Circadian Rhythms, I have selected this song for your enjoyment:

Centrifuge by Pomplamoose

1) If you’d like to sound smart when feeling peaked, throw these words into your conversation: “Suprachiasmatic Nucleus”, “Period Genes”, “Clock Protein”, “Zeitgeber”.

2) Here’s an example of a sentence you can use when expressing your inability to visit and participate in rousing talk about dung beetles *yawn*: “I’ve enjoyed our time together, but my Suprachiasmatic Nucleus is telling me it’s time to hit the sack. That pesky Clock Protein is ticking, if you catch my drift. Also, my bff here is on her Period Genes, so we best take off before the Zeitgeber strikes midnight and turns us into pumpkins.”

To honor studies of Circadian Rhythms, I have selected this song for your enjoyment:

Day Glo by Brazos

1) If you want to sound smart, throw these words into your conversation: “methylation”, “acetlyation”, “chromatin remodeling”, “imprinting”.

2) To help you out, try this sentence on your friends next time this hot topic comes up in conversation: “We thought about buying that house under the high power lines, but decided we really can’t afford any genomic imprinting defects for our future children. You know, don’t want to mess with our methylation status. Yeah, shame about that acetylation. We’d have to do some remodeling of the house too, but not at the expense of chromatin remodeling, if you know what I mean! *wink wink*”

To honor our studies in epigenetics, I have selected this song for your enjoyment:

Express Yourself by Madonna

Never fear, young scientists. I have been there. My spell lasted over a whole month! I was forgetting important controls when setting up experiments, adding wrong buffers to samples, and misplacing important reactions. PCR contamination seemed to follow me like a little lost puppy. I drug my feet and pushed down the sick feeling in my stomach each time I had to go into the boss’s office to explain yet another failure. By the middle of it all, I was questioning my choice of career and state of mental health. I also feared the worst – premature ageing or early onset Alzheimer’s disease. I was one hot mess.

The cure was to work through it, one day at a time. I wrote down every mundane detail for the impending task at hand and took more deliberate time to set up and execute experiments. I gave myself time during the day to compose myself, even if it meant stepping out of the lab for a little while. Eventually, the slip-ups became less frequent and returned to a minimum. Eventually, I was able to critically think through problems. Eventually, I was able to get my scientific mind back. If you’re losing your scientific mind, remember it has just gone on vacation for a while and will be back refreshed and ready for work in no time! In the meanwhile, print yourself out some good journal articles to read to stimulate whatever is left.